Who Said It – Hitler or Trump?

Jaundiced schlockmonger Donald Trump could be the next Emperor of Freedomland and everyone is all in a tizzy. But has anyone noticed that this racist demagogue has qualities in common with the only other racist demagogue anyone can be bothered remembering? Amazingly, nobody has ever thought to compare Trump with Hitler. Until now! These quotes are from either the Moustachioed Menace or Orange Boy – see if you can guess which belongs to whom!

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PM says policies don’t target millennials: also hurt elderly, children, the unborn

Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Bligh Halifax Rameses Turnbull has struck out at claims that his policies unfairly disadvantage millennials, arguing that they unfairly disadvantage all generations other than his own.

“Of course our policies aren’t some kind of attack on young people,” the PM announced to a press conference held in his negatively-geared harbourside hedge maze, “We’re committed to reducing living standards for all non-key demographics.”
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Screw the Election, this is now a Food Blog

Frankly, dear reader, I’ve had it up to pussy’s bow with your downright negligence. I work my fingers to the marrow  on this blog, toiling tirelessly to make sure you have a post to read as often as three or four times a year. And what do I get for it? A dozen likes on Facebook and supportive emails from Dad. My ego has needs. Sometimes it feels like you’re not interested even in my hilarious two-thousand word lectures on Senate reform.

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Well, I may be too trusting but I know which way the wind is blowing. Effective immediately, this is now a Food Blog. My wallet also has needs. I’m experimenting with native advertising – a dynamic client has agreed to pay me 37 cents for the product placement in this post. Hopefully, this cleverly integrated marketing strategy should be too subtle to be distracting. See if you can work out what it’s for! ❤

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Randomocracy

There are questions that cleave nations, the junctures where the paths of history fork.

Who has the right to vote? Is this is our war to fight? Should above the line Senate voting change from a group ticket preference system to an optional preferential system wherein voters are instructed to number a non-mandatory minimum of six boxes above the line while the mandatory minimum of 90% numbered boxes below the line is replaced with a non-mandatory nominal minimum of twelve numbered boxes and an unwritten mandatory minimum of six numbered boxes which will act as a savings provision for those who confuse the below the line and above the line voting instructions as well as some changes to the mechanism of election night ballot counting for the sake of expediency and thrift, or not?

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The Good Emperor

Thank goodness we finally have a Prime Minister who respects our intelligence.

Just two months into the Pax Malcolma and the onioniverous antics of our erstwhile overlord seem a lifetime ago. I can barely even remember that time Tony Abbott said baby seals deserved to be clubbed. Or tried to legalise witch-burning on the grounds it would benefit small business. Or went to the NATO summit wearing nothing but a novelty Australian flag bucket hat because Barnaby Joyce dared him too.

That dark age is behind us and Australia now is in a safe pair of hands. Safe, supple, strong hands. Dry, warm, well-manicured hands. Hands that probably couldn’t strangle a man to death, but could pay an assassin to do it for them, but wouldn’t because they’re too gentlemanly. Continue reading “The Good Emperor”

Whingers

Eddie Mabo. Rosa Parks. Nelson Mandela. These people all have one thing in common – they were sooks. But were they flogs? If the Adam Goodes saga has taught us one thing, it’s that sooks aren’t necessarily flogs and flogs aren’t necessarily sooks, though either are usually both. But what it hasn’t taught it us is that white Australians who boo an Aboriginal activist are probably racists, because how can they be when Adam Goodes is a sook and a flog and Rita Panahi is an Indian?

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