The Minister for Home Affairs

Content note: This piece includes graphic discussion of suicide and reference to abuse

Just as I said I wouldn’t, I forgot them, and their stories got tangled up with all the other distant horrors. In May, last year, two young refugees under Australian care set themselves on fire. Omid Masoumali, an 23 year old held in indefinite detention on Nauru, doused his body in petrol and burnt himself alive. Three days later Hodan Yasin, a 21 year old Somali woman, also set herself alight. Unlike Masoumali, she survived; with burns covering seventy per cent of her body. She lost several fingers in the blaze.

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Fields of Wheat

“Me and my friends sort of used to run through the fields of wheat…” the Prime Minister says, a gleam of merriment finding her eyes, “the farmers weren’t too pleased about that… Their cries were sort of like those of animals. Gosh, they ran and ran… their filthy, skinny haunches carrying them as best they could. But we were faster, of course – children often are – and because we were quite small they could rarely see us beneath the golden heads of wheat. We laughed a great deal when they swerved or swore or prayed. Blood takes on a different odour when it’s agitated, sort of like… marzipan. My friend April would always reach them first, then myself, then June. Farmers are rather well acquainted with dying. I imagine they learn it from their livestock. Goodness me… Nobody is ever perfectly behaved, are they?”

For UK readers who aren’t volunteering for Labour in today’s election because victory is still a long shot, even with the tightened polls, here’s a short letter from an Australian perspective.
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The Puppeteers

The American Government is compromised. The Trump regime is under the sway of a superpower whose interests do not align with those of the American citizenry, or indeed, most of the people on earth. This global actor has spent years pursuing its agenda by pumping the world’s media with lies; and in doing so has eroded the very foundations of liberal democracy. Every day, it commits human rights abuses on a colossal scale with impunity.

The evidence that it has corrupted the US administration is now beyond dispute. As well as giving millions of dollars in overt and covert assistance to the Republican election campaign, and having a clear influence on foreign and domestic policy, this power has financial ties with the very highest levels of The White House. With grotesque revelations breaking the news every day, it can be easy to forget the outrageous connections we’ve known about all along. For example, the Secretary of State of the United States of America, Rex Tillerson, was the Chief Executive Officer of Exxon-Mobil.

Who did you think I was talking about?

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How to Make a Mediocre Podcast

In celebration of the release of my podcast, Bensplaining, I’m sharing this highly clickable how-too-guide I wrote for another blog.

It’s 2017, so if you don’t have a podcast by now you’re nothing. How do you expect to be relevant and employable in the 21st century if your personal brand has no voice? Automation is coming for us, starting with the stragglers, and you’re still pottering around the house like Sarah Connor’s parents. Frankly, you’re fucked.

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Consider a Notebook

Consider a notebook. Thick parchment, licked yellow by salty air, and brown ink in a grand loopy hand. It sits in the cabin of one James Cook, and specifies, in no uncertain terms, that a “discovered” land may only be claimed in the name of the King under one of two conditions – that it is unoccupied, or “with the Consent of the Natives.” But Cooky’s a boisterous sort, raised on Magellan and St George, and when they’re there and obviously not consenting he decides to seize it anyway with oratory and lead, notebook and orders be damned. This means that even under British law at the time the invasion of Australia was illegal. Continue reading “Consider a Notebook”