‘What does the martyrdom of Christians in the Roman Empire between the reign of the Emperor Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus and Emperor Flavius Valerius Aurelius Constantinus Augustus have to do with a defamation action commenced in Australia in 2017?’
– Justice Michael Wigney on Mark Latham’s ‘extraordinary’ 76-page defence of his claim that journalist Osman Faruqi’s joke tweets were ‘anti-white racism’ that would incite terrorism.
I, Marcus Williamus Externus Lathamus This-that-and-the-other (for I shall not trouble you yet with all my titles), who was once, and not so long ago either, known to my infinite enemies as ‘A Racist’, or ‘Bonecrusher’ or ‘What the Hell Mark, Are You Okay?’ or at best as ‘The Increasingly Erratic Former Leader of the Labor Party’ am now about to write this strange history of my post-political life; starting from when I was treacherously deposed by colleagues to this fateful point some thirteen years later, when, at the age of fifty-seven, I find myself persecuted by the Islamo-Femo-Eco-Homo-ABC-Communist New World Order.
My readers may be surprised that it is Marcus ‘The Outsider’ Lathamus himself who is writing this legal defence, and no mere secretary of his, nor one of those slippery, uppity ‘lawyers’ who my cowardly family begged me to employ. Though our Imperial Republic has been corrupted by halal snack packs and Junkee.com, I pray that a lone voice may still speak truth to power and prevail – just like the eloquent hero of To Kill a Mockingbird, Bob Ewell.
My enemies have long since sought to feed me to the lions, for I am the last defender against the politically-correct barbarians that now amass at our gates. Moreover, I am the only sane man in Australia. (Women, of course, are never sane – they are vicious furies hell-bent on demonising men who are forced to use domestic violence as a coping mechanism.)
My tribulations began under the relentless reign of Ionnaes Winstonius Howardus, who I believed at the time to be reactionary tyrant. He was, in fact a left-wing Islamist puppet. I once had the opportunity to crush his feeble hand to pulp. But like a fool I showed clemency, and that was the beginning of the end. Soon after I was usurped by the narcissistic populare Ruddus and his co-conspirator Julia Eileenia Gillardia, a sorceress and probable sapphist who plotted to humiliate me in front of plebian and patrician alike…
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